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There was nothing that we could not explore, as long as we explored it together. After every session I always came away with a feeling of exhilaration, and a deeper understanding. The decision to separate was mine, and mine alone. It was an extremely hard decision, taken for entirely selfish reasons, when faced with a loss that I could not bear to contemplate – the loss of my children’s love and respect. In parting, I was not the least bit fair to her. I can still feel the pain that I caused her, and it gives me great pain as well. I now understand better why I made the choices that I did. I will never know whether there could have been a different way. I do know that after years of effort, the results are as I had hoped. Could I have done things differently? Perhaps. And maybe I would also somehow have emerged intact on the other side of the nightmare that I faced – different from today, but still whole. No one can ever really know ‘the road not taken’. I do know how much I miss. I remember having kissed only two girls throughout high school. Two! I knew morons who misspelled their own names who'd had more action than I did. As horny as the next teenager, or more, this led to countless bathroom visits to relieve my ever-rising boners. Short skirts, giggly girls, panties-peeking, P.E. tights, it was all too much for a boy who was always on the edge. If I were a betting man, I'd say no one unloaded more strings of sperm in those bathroom stalls than I did. And every time I did it, it felt so unfair not to have a 'friendly hand' to help out. Or mouth! My god, what I wouldn't have given for a blowjob back then. I would've sold my own mother if the right girl had offered. My mind was so sexually charged that I used to have this game where I fantasized about whether which girl had done this or that behind walls. I even managed to convince myself that, if a girl had yellow teeth, then for sure she was a swallower... or at least that's how many of my bathroom.
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